Healthy boundaries are hard to establish. Are you a people pleaser or do you build walls around you? Do you put yourself first? It may sound selfish, but what’s the alternative? There’s different styles when it comes to social behavior, and many are hard coded from childhood. Is it even possible to change your behavior? Let’s explore!

During the first six months’ of a baby’s life, the caregiver must exhibit adequate nurturing to their newborn to establish a close bond. If a healthy bond cannot be established during the baby’s early developmental phase – it can lead to several emotional problems for them later on.

Secure Attachment

The secure attachment style signifies a warm and loving bond between parent and child. The child feels loved and cared for and develops the ability to form healthy relationships with those around them.

Those who develop secure attachment styles in childhood are likely to carry this healthy way of bonding into adulthood and have no problem building long-term relationships without fear of abandonment.

Anxious Attachment

Anxious children tend to distrust caregivers, and this insecurity often means that their environment is explored with caution rather than excitement.

They constantly seek approval from their caregivers and continuously observe their surroundings for fear of being abandoned.

Those who developed under the anxious attachment style tend to carry what they have learned into adulthood. Very often they feel unloved by their partners and find it difficult to express love and connection themselves.

Avoidant Attachment

Children who have developed under the avoidant style have learned to accept that their emotional needs are likely to remain unmet and continue to grow up feeling unloved and insignificant.

They often struggle with expressing their feelings and find it hard understanding emotions – in adulthood; they tend to avoid intimate relationships.

Disorganized Attachment

Disorganised attachment is a combination of avoidant and anxious attachment, and children that fit into this group often display intense anger and rage. They may break toys and behave in other volatile ways – they also have difficult relationships with caregivers. 

Children developed under the disorganised attachment style, tend to avoid intimate relationships as adults and can very easily explode and have a difficult time controlling their emotions.

What’s your style and can you change?

One thing is certain, and that is that self awareness is the key to breaking cycles. Can you change your hard coded tendencies and become more open? If you ask me, I’m still breaking down walls and trying to build boundaries in their place. Fingers crossed!